Hurrah!!

I am just printing out the full first draft of my novel, I wrote the ending last night. I'm so excited! I'm going to do what Stephen King suggests in On Writing, and put the manuscript away in a drawer for a while, and do something else. I have the deep joy of a tax return to occupy me, and then I can get cracking with the research for my next novel. I never thought I would be able to write one novel, let alone finish one and be prepared to write the next almost immediately. I've spent all my life not finishing things, flitting from one thing to another, and now look at me! My therapist will be so proud.

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Love Clare xxx

Do these things come in threes?

I've just been for my hair appointment, which was lovely as there is a play area right outside for the kids. After being pampered I decided to treat the kids (and myself!) to McDonalds. In the interest of being healthy I opted for water instead of fizzy pop. Now, there were no seats downstairs, so the kids carried the shopping bags up while I followed with the tray of food. I got to the top, turned the corner, and the bottle of mineral water made a break for it. I automatically tried to catch it and dropped the tray, cascading fries and chicken selects onto the couple having their tea in front of me. I didn't say 'sugar.' I salvaged the food that was still in boxes, but one lot of chicken had fallen on the floor, so I split one box between the kids, and sent my son down to get some more fries - which they very kindly gave him for free when he told them I'd dropped them. It's a good job the lids stayed on the McFlurrys, because I don't think the diners would have appreciated being showered in creme egg and ice cream.
Then, I got home and went to put my new shrink appointment on my big wall calendar. I have calendars and dry-wipe boards everywhere because my memory is spectacularly bad. My next appointment is in June, and as I wrote it down I noticed there were two Junes, so I ripped one of them off. Flipping through the rest of the year, I then saw that there was no September. Quite possibly the worst calendar in the world.
I wonder what I'll do for an encore?
Clare

Is There Life on Mars?

I've been quiet for a few days, because I managed to get depressed by the ending of Life On Mars. In it, Sam Tyler realised that he felt more alive when he was in the coma in 1973 with Gene Hunt, so he threw himself off a roof to get back there. The thing that disturbed me was that I was rooting for him to go back into that world. It freaked me out a bit afterwards, as I realised that I was actually supporting his decision to kill himself. I know it's not real, but it's had a huge impact on me. First was guilt; how can I be happy that Sam threw himself off the roof but still feel angry with my mom for killing herself? Second was a biggy; is my mom out there, somewhere, still? Is there life after death? I managed to give myself a panic attack at the thought that this life, now, may be all there is. I don't want to die and be nothing, otherwise what's the point? On the other hand, what if there is an afterlife, but it's worse? Everything got very confused in my head for a while, and I needed time to straighten myself out a bit.

I've come to no conclusions, unfortunately. No blinding flash of light accompanied by a realisation that death is not the end. I desperately want to believe in an afterlife, and I hope that, when the time comes, that is good enough for whoever or whatever is out there, and that my doubts are forgiven. Of course, if there's nothing, then there's no point worrying, but I can't help it. The thought of death makes me dizzy.

Anyway, I'm off on a much-needed holiday tomorrow. It's a bit of a busman's holiday for me, as I've got writing to do, but a change of scenery will probably do me good.
TTFN,
Clare xxx

An even bigger ego boost

I've just found out that I am one of the 100 winners of the Writers' & Artists' Yearbook Novel Writing Competition. Have jumped around my bedroom A LOT. This couldn't have come at a better time -69 thousand words in and trying not to edit earlier chapters while I write the final three, and battling with the conviction that the whole thing should just go through the shredder. I know I'm showing off, but I can't help it!
Love Clare xxx

An ego boost

I have been struggling recently with writing - in fact, I haven't written anything for about a week now. It's partly because I've been having trouble sleeping, and partly because I don't seem to have time to do anything other than housework - and the place still looks like a pig sty. But, checking on Whsmith - look, if you're a writer, you type your name into any search box you can in the hope you'll be there - I found that both of my books are available from Whsmith. How cool is that? I would love to one day go into a book shop and see my books on the shelves. I have thought of sneaking a few onto a shelf while no-one is looking, and then taking a photo, but I think that smacks a little of desperation.
Mentally, I've been ok-ish, I've been having some really bad nightmares, screaming and waking myself up. Not the most restful of experiences. So, here I am, it's twenty past eight and I'm yawning already.
I've just started reading The Devil Wears Prada by Lauren Weisberger. It's not my usual sort of thing, but it's a good read. I think the reason it is so readable is that the main character Andrea is so out of the loop as far as the whole fashion magazine culture is concerned, which makes the reader sympathetic towards her. I'm only 114 pages in, but I'm quietly impressed. And depressed that my novel is never going to be finished - or good enough. I'm going on holiday soon, so I should be able to get some writing done while I'm away. Hopefully I'll get some sleep, too.
Clare