Rather like when you can feel a cold coming on, I knew about a week ago that my mood was tipping over into a depressive state. Unfortunately, unlike a cold there is no vitamin I can take to ward it off, and that slow slide into depression is a terrible experience. Then you hit the bottom, and it's even worse. I sit here now, three days into it, with unwashed hair, unbrushed teeth, and I probably smell because I need a bath. It feels like there is no point in cleaning myself up. I feel a sense of hopelessness, not just about myself but about the whole of humanity. Our race has such potential, and can create such beauty, yet busies itself with wars and genocide and happy slapping and raping pensioners and kidnapping children and murdering for money or hate or jealousy or kicks. Sometimes, I am ashamed to be human.My other quarters are well versed in what to do now, they make sure I don't read newspapers or watch the news, and try to stop me reading true crime books about serial killers. I have no sharp knives in the house at all - a right bugger when I'm trying to carve a chicken, but it's a good excuse to go to Harvester instead of cook - and now I've forgotten what I was going to say, so I'll sign off there.
Clare
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2 comments:
Hello Clare-
The depressive cycle is something we need to challenge. I can relate to what you have posted. There was a time that I would allow such a negative state to completely dominate my wellbeing.
Then I decided, right enough of this crap. Who the f**ks in charge here? My positive self or that bloody 'inner-critic'? That niggling voice inside our head that lets negative speculation and that sense of hopelessness overwhelm us.
We have a choice don't we? We can realise that the depressive state must not get the better of us. We can be realistic and realise that we will be down at times,it's how we tackle it, that is the key element.
Despite your current depressive experience, you have found enough inner-resolve to blog about it. Clare, that is most positive. For it demonstrates that you do challenge your depression. You have the courage to be transparent. Indeed verbalising your concerns shows that you will remain undaunted in your own personal quest for mental health wellbeing. We are all in this together Clare. Best wishes Klahanie.
I'm hearing you Clare - it will pass. Be reassured it will pass. Emma.
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